old crow

old crow looks like this:

price:  8.99

purchased at:  hy-vee wine and spirits in cedar rapids, ia

old crow is a good whiskey because it has a cool name and a picture of a bird on the bottle.  it is a bad whiskey for pretty much every other reason you can imagine.

SIDEBAR just for reference, i am going to be drinking my whiskey neat for this blog, unless i come up with something so brutal that i am unable to suffer it without cutting it with some water.  hopefully we won't come to that.

start with the smell.  old crow burns your nose and makes you sad that you are going to drink it.  there's really nothing in the way of yummy whiskey smell --  just burny pain.  and a hint of rich mahogany.*

the taste is considerably worse.  there's really nothing good to say about it at all.  what little taste there is hits you right in the roof of the mouth and doesn't linger.  unfortunately, that taste is largely irrelevant as all you really notice when you drink old crow (besides the fact that your life isn't going very well) is that your mouth burns.  at least for me, it's especially crucial to keep this swill from going under my tongue, as that pretty much just makes me gag straight away.

in the end, there is a reason old crow is basically the wellest of well whiskeys.  if you find yourself drinking old crow, you're likely at a shitty bar getting the cheapest whiskey and coke they offer.  when you see the bartender fill your glass with twice as much mixer as usual (and you will, dive bars are all the same), don't get mad at her for ripping you off.  she's really doing you a favor.

verdict: more like old BLOW

*timely reference!